Question No. 2902 31 August 2022 Official answer by Master Ali Saei (Abdullah Meshkat) verified Content level: Intermediate

Can Believers Become Obsessed with Women, and What Are the Consequences?

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Dear questioner, Master Ali Saei

Tracking code: #Q-2902

Can believers also become obsessed with women? Please give a few clear examples of what this looks like and explain its consequences. Please also address the hadiths about serving one’s wife, so that the limits are clear.

The second part of the question:
If a meeting is held among several believers, does someone who took part have the right to repeat at home to his wife what was said, or is it a trust that he must not disclose?

The third part of the question:
What are the consequences of insulting a believer, damaging a believer’s reputation, and spreading gossip about a fellow believer? Please explain each matter separately and in full.

Subject category: Ethics and Spirituality Ethics and Spirituality

The essence and first answer at a glance (60-word summary)

If a believer becomes obsessed with women, he is stripped of the robe of faith and clothed in the garment of disbelief—in other words, he is no longer a believer. Such an obsession arises when a man takes a woman as his god, disobeys God in order to obey her, or incurs God’s anger in pursuit of her approval. A man’s love and respect for a woman, when in keeping with religious principles and good character, are among the beautiful expressions of his responsibility toward her. But excessive deference becomes undesirable when it prevents him from fulfilling his religious duties.

Answer by Master Ali Saei (Abdullah Meshkat)

Teacher and researcher in the intellectual tradition of wisdom and the Ahl al-Bayt | Soroush Bamdadān Cultural Center

If a believer becomes infatuated with women, he is stripped of the robe of faith and clothed in the garment of disbelief—that is, he is no longer a believer.

Infatuation with women takes hold when a man treats a woman as a god; obeys her in ways that lead him to disobey God; incurs God’s anger in his effort to please her; or submits to her unlawful demands and shows indifference to matters of chastity.

A man’s lawful affection and respect for a woman, and his good conduct toward her, are among the beautiful expressions of his role as her guardian. Fulfilling her rights in full, striving to provide her with comfort and ease, and honouring her are among the duties of a God-fearing believer.

Showing a woman excessive deference becomes undesirable when it obstructs or interferes with the obligatory, essential and strongly recommended duties of life, or leads her to become insolent or lax in carrying out her fundamental responsibilities, and makes her arrogant and proud.

Trustworthiness knows no distinction between men and women; it must be upheld in all circumstances.

The ugliness of insulting a believer, violating their dignity and so on is so evident that it needs no explanation.

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Can Believers Become Obsessed with Women, and What Are the Consequences?

The essence and first answer at a glance (60-word summary)

Answer by Master Ali Saei (Abdullah Meshkat)

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